Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize