The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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