One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
