??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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