I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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