Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
