what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
