well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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