my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
