No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
