You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
