found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize