I'm lost and stupid without you.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
