I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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