I love black thongs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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