Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
