no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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