dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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