Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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