Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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