Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your cock deserves a montage
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
