This is not my ceiling
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
