Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
