So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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