i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
