do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
