yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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