this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
