Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so let's talk penis.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
