sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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