Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
