God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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