"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
