I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
