you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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