I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
