I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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