were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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