woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
