Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
