There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In other news, I just burned my penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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