I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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