I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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