I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
