Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can text with my tongue
im six kinds of drunk right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
