fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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