Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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