Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
