eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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