I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
