I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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