Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
