I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
