God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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