I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
