I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i barfeds in our rink
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
