jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
