My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
