Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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