kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize