ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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