the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
