i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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