i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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