i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
