Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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