I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
