it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
