im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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