LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
