One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize