he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sarcasm needs its own font
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
