i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do vagina's smell?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
