i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
