I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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