I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
