Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
soo... how was my night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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