Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
