I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just pee around me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
