your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i've created a new STD.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
