My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
