Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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