first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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