is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
