I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
