So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
