you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize