You can't motorboat a personality
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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