Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
