remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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