oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
