where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
