I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
