You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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