yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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