Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize