The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
