So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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