i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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