My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
