I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
